Accident

The vincristine seems to have done it's work. Leo had an accident in the house today.

That's not good - he's not had any stomach upset of note because of it. But then again, this last treatment was different. He really didn't want to go - like, needed to be really coaxed into the back. He was shaking, tail down.

I think he doesn't want to do this anymore. It's holding his lymphoma in check, but the cost (both materially and on him) is becoming rather hight.



The next few weeks are going to tell us how long we have before we go to the rescue therapy. And from there, it's a few months. And from there...

The thing is, we've gotten way more than a year. We've almost gotten three. Knowing what's happened with some of our friends, it seems like we've been lucky. Knowing what it's done to me emotionally and financially, I'll dispute that.  But it's been worth it. We've had a healthy dog for probably 30 of the last 36 months, if not more. We've done dozens of hikes upstate, a camping trip, camping with the boys several times, seen a black bear, hiked in snow and rain, and spent a lot of quality time on the couch and at home.

There was a study that came out that talked about dog cognition. They claim that the guilty look is just the dog anticipating punishment. Leo looked guilty after his accident, and we've never punished him for that - it's an accident, and he knows better! He also was visibly anxious before the vet, yet they feed him treats. He gets that something is happening. I might be biased, but I don't completely agree with the way those study results were presented.

I also have a hard time with one thing they said, which is that dogs don't have a sense of self - and a sense of others. In other words, the dog might feel love for me, much as I feel love for the dog. But he doesn't know that I feel that - his cognition is too limited.
And this makes me sad, if it's true. I love this dog completely. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's gone. He's my partner in crime, my sounding board, my friend. If he doesn't know that I love him, then what? But I don't believe them. If I'm sad, he tries to cheer me. He tells me when he's happy. He sits by me and enjoys my company. I think he realizes something about me. I hope so. I choose to believe so.