But nothing lasts forever. Our fears were confirmed at yesterday's visit, as it seems that his lymphoma has metastasized into cutaneous lymphoma. We 're seeing if Loumustine will give him some relief. It is likely it will not.
Now I worry about pain and discomfort. If he is in pain, then I have to face up to my ... obligation. I told him he wouldn't suffer.
He has done all that I have asked of him in the last months - well, aside from sitting down while I'm eating. He still tries to get on the plate. And honestly, I'm not about to correct him at this point. But he's endured the ravages of cancer with dignity and grace. The vet constantly tell us what a good boy he is. They constantly remark on those big brown eyes (as did the Treatibles lady, last night). He's shown more courage than I thought possible, even though he doesn't understand what's happening, and shown tolerance to those trying to help, even if they hurt him for a bit.
Strength without insolence
Beauty without vanity
Courage without ferocity...
And more than anything, he has held on. I finished my thesis on Monday - put it all in one document to be read by the committee. It's the one thing I asked, that everyone asked, for my sake, and he did it.
Now I will have to do the one thing I promised him - to not let him suffer. It will be a terrible day when it comes. Not today. Not tomorrow. But that day is coming.
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