Tough to hear

His skin is not doing well. Whether it's skin that is affected by the lymphoma or is it just prednisone is a question, but does it matter? Under his arms, parts of his back, and even his face are affected now. There’s even a spot under his chin. He's beginning to fall apart, literally.

He was at the store today and Joan noted that he smelled bad. We’ve gotten used to it – it’s just another part of how things are (although L had a breakdown about this last week, and called me crying that he smelled bad, and was leaking). I’ve had my share of breakdowns. About this, the bandages, the medicine, the pain, the cancer, everything. Today a the store was not good. I left him to get a haircut. When I came back, L was convinced he wasn’t going to do well. His back. His legs. His belly. The skin cancer was everywhere, and it wasn’t getting better. His shoulder was beginning to show signs of necrotizing, I think – well, it wasn’t pretty.

L finally said – if there’s nothing they can do for him tomorrow, maybe he’s not coming home.

Not coming home. That was a tough pill to swallow.