A difference

I received a letter recently from the University of Georgia School of Veterinary Medicine.  Which alarmed me, at first - I hadn't applied for a fellowship at Georgia, and certainly not at the Vet School (I'm a paleoclimatologist - for real!).
This letter was to notify us that a donation had been made in Leo's name by the folks at VERG to the UG Veterinary School.

I am surprised, grateful, and impressed. It seems that our boy made a real difference on the folks at VERG, enough that they decided to give back in his name. I sincerely hope that some day one of those students going through there finds a new treatment, a better drug, a refined protocol that gives dogs like Leo another month, another 3, another 6. And I hope that my boy and (I hope) what was learned from him, and what will be learned by some vet student studying in a chair or alcove or at a desk or under a window or whatever it is that is forever Leo's at UG helps some other family and dog with their cancer struggle. I hope there's at least one dog that gets another hike, another walk, another camping trip. Because a year wasn't enough. Three and a half years weren't enough. 12 years wasn't enough. But another day... that's what it's about.

Home

Leo came home today. His ashes, anyway.

Sometimes I swear I still hear him, the jingle of his collar. The other day I nudged the Bally that was still sitting under the couch. It's still there. It'll be there 'til I leave here.

I know where Leo's ashes will wind up. A few places, I think. The park. The campsite. An urn on my mantle, and on L's.

And in 2 days I need to summon up all of his courage and strength, and maybe even a little of his ferocity, and defend my thesis. He got me through writing it. Now I have to get through talking about it without him.

He's in there, though. I probably have one of a very few theses that thanks a dog, posthumously. But then again, he wasn't any dog. He was Leo.

Recounting

At the end, it was peaceful. We went in on Wednesday knowing, but hopeful there would be something else. But there wasn't. We exhausted all of the options. His skin was getting worse. His lymph nodes were beginning to occlude his throat. His face and eyes were sunken. 

But he was still being Leo, right up until the car ride. In fact, he tried to jump out of the car when we got there.

The End.

This blog was called “A Year With Leo” because that’s all we should have gotten. Median survival for canine lympophoma is something like 12-14 months. We got three and a half years. But no more.

Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Beauty without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferosity,
and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.
This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
LEO, a DOG,
who was born in Pennsylvania August 5th 2003
and died at Brooklyn Aug. 19th, 2015.
(From Byron, Epitaph to a Dog)

Tough to hear

His skin is not doing well. Whether it's skin that is affected by the lymphoma or is it just prednisone is a question, but does it matter? Under his arms, parts of his back, and even his face are affected now. There’s even a spot under his chin. He's beginning to fall apart, literally.

Different

Something is different today. Not sure what, but something… his eyes, and his face don’t look like they should. Sunken. Not right. He just didn’t seem right on the walk ths morning, and his energy is pretty low. His lymph nodes are also a getting bigger. Fast. They’re a lot bigger (or more noticeable) than yesterday, and the one on his right side has the double marble feeling. That’s not good.

Likely

After a vet visit, Leo was an honored guest at the Treatibles party at PS9. He's been a success story, having gotten some real relief from them.

What a difference a day makes

Over the weekend, I took Leo out to to the farmer's market in the Park, like we always do. I dropped off my compost, got some bread and veggies, and then sat in the park. So many people talked about him - the vendors, people in the park, people on the street. "Old timer!" "Gray-beard!" "Keep on going, old man!" "Such a sweetie!". He charmed everyone, and got a lot of comments - more than usual. He seemed to enjoy it.

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY LEO!

Yes, that is a steak with candles

There are updates, but first

Before I get to the updates (more chemo! 5 weeks of remission! healing!) there's this: In a thread about dog-washing, some of us Border Collie folks got to talking about them. This was a comment from another bc owner:

 ...because he doesn't want to get wet, he picks the spot of the beach where he thinks that the waves will bring the stick, and he's right 90% of the time without adjusting where he is standing.  Your dog wants steak... my dog does physics.

A New Dog

Leo is like a new dog!
His nodes are still small (thank you, treatibles?) despite the prednisone reduction. He doesn't seem to be in pain, the swelling in his ankle is nearly gone and he's supporting his full weight on it, his elbow is not longer a horror show and his shoulder is healing nicely. To be blunt, it is a miracle. He's not running around like a pup, but he has asked to go into the dog run (um, no...) and takes me to the store at the park every time we're out.

Testimonials

Reports are that Leo is doing better! In fact, the latest I hear is that the swelling in his ankle has gone down, he's walking better, has more energy, and has done the front steps at L's house for first time in a while.
The medicine is certainly helping - pain killers and antibiotics! The shoulder no longer being infected is helping - while raw, it's healing. The arm healing is helping - that has to feel better now that it's not as raw.

Conversations with Chuck

I had a really good conversation with Chuck the other day. He lost one of his dogs at 12 1/2 to liver failure last year, and has gone through this several times. I've been thinking over the last few weeks - are we doing too much, holding on too tight, and should we let him go? Chuck gave me an answer different than most folks. Most folks say "You'll know" or "they'll let you know". Chuck said "he doesn't want to go. If he can eat, go to the bathroom, and he's not in pain, he wants to stay". And while I'd seen some resignation in Leo the last few weeks, for most of the time, he wanted to stay around. There's still Leo in there, and I'm going to treasure that.

Concern and a bad night

Leo improved over the week in some ways, although his elbow is raw and his ankle seems to be getting worse. He's having a more trouble getting up - L can't get him to stand on his own, and he sometimes does the Bambi-on-ice. Even the doctors are concerned, and yesterday's developments didn't help.

Leaking

Leo has sprung a leak. He had some pressure sores on his elbows from laying down (especially on hard floors), and apparently the one on his right elbow became inflamed. It abscessed, and I noticed it leaking on the night of the 4th (of course). Back to VERG we go...

This was a tough week

Leo has improved, in some ways, and is failing in some others. The chemo and the cancer and old age and the ravages of all of these things have taken a toll on his body. There's a light in there, and a happiness to be out in the park or pushing around bally or just sitting around, but there are some problems, too. And while his lymph nodes haven't swollen up yet, that's only a matter of time before they come back.

Final lap

I think we're nearing the end of our adventure with Leo.

He's certainly improved from Friday and yesterday. His appetite is better, he's got a little more energy - I mean, he tried to take me to the park this morning - and he just ... looks better.

But it's not really enough.

I hope...

I found this:

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.

I hope I have.

It was going well

We had an appointment on the 10th, and his nodes were pretty swollen - so much so that we thought he might be in some distress. The vincristine did it's magic, and they were down within 3 days.

He was a little slow and a little tired, but otherwise ok. By Sunday, he was great. He was doing so well we moved his appointment on the 20th to the 24th, just to give him a bit of a break. The nodes were small, and he was getting better.

Things did not go as planned.

About a week

It looks like the vincristine gives us about a week, maybe a little more, of no swollen nodes. Then they come raging back.  The problem, of course, is that his tolerance to the vincristine is getting lower. He shows signs of side-effects (tired, not wanting to go our, stomach issues) for about 4 or 5 days. So, that's tough. The cycle we're on, of knocking them down then letting them swell up probably isn't sustainable.

But living on vincristine isn't, either. So, we will do what we can.

COPS

It's back to COP, I guess. While his nodes were big again by appointment time, the Vincristine took care of them (again). This time we're going to hit it with some cytoxan when they come back, just to see if that does anything. Perhaps we'll be able to get some good times.

Camping!

Well, thanks to the efficacy of the Vincristine and years of collecting camping gear, I was able to take Leo camping to our spot in the Willowemoc Wild Forest this weekend. It was a lovely day and night for camping. Not too cold, not too warm, and not too crowded - well, at least not on Sunday night, in a primitive campsite.

Well, that didn't work... but that did!

The bad news is that the Lomustine really didn't do anything. I think it arrested the growth of his lymph nodes for about a weekend, and then they came raging back. We were in the office a week later.

The good news is we decided to give Vincristine another shot, and this... well, it worked! (So far). The nodes are smaller.  Well, I hope it's from the Vincristine.

Last round

It seems that the Lomustine didn't really work - a few days, and then his neck nodes have swollen up again.

So, it's now time for prednisone. I gave him some today. Let's hope that makes a difference.

The Cost

Yesterday there was an article about how having a dog was going to become only the provenance for the rich, since it becomes prohibitively expensive, and that the poors were going to be placated with robot-dogs.

I think that's a bunch of crap from people who've watched a bit too much Battlestar Galactica (the old one, not the frakking new one). Sure, it's expensive to have a dog. It's expensive to have kids, too, but that doesn't stop people from having them (heck, it doesn't stop people from having a LOT of them). Being a super-obsessive dog owner is certainly going to cost a lot more. Heck, Leo's collar costs more than my shoes (not kidding).

I don't think so

I'll take a break from posting Leo updates to just say "No, robots will not be replacing dogs".

Signs

I am not a sign guy. I'm not a religious person (despite being brought up RC - or maybe because of?) and I think I'm pretty rational. I mean, I'm a scientist!
So today there were some signs - some bad, and some... well, I'll describe.

Rescue

It appears that the L-spar is no longer working. That means that the Vincristine stopped working, the L-spar stopped working, the cytocin would kill him...and now it's down to the rescue therapy, the Lomustine.

Calming Treats?

How ironic would it be if what did Leo in was not his Lymphoma, but his appetite? Yeah, well, the prednisone, combined with his propensity for counter-surfing, made me nervous that was about to happen.

He was very calm. Me, not so much.

Not OK

Things are not OK.  Leo's lymph nodes became noticeably swollen last weekend - I really noticed them Saturday night/Sunday morning - and it's all of them. We did another L-spar treatment on Thursday, and today (Friday morning) some of the nodes are smaller, but his neck feels like there's a golf ball on the side. I have a feeling that the chemo is becoming less effective, and the cancer is becoming more aggressive.

Off the gas

After treating Leo with L-spar and watching him be rather miserable on prednisone, we've decided that it's time to take the foot off the gas, so to speak, in terms of treating him. It's not giving up - rather, it's slowing down and allowing him to do things at his own pace.

Getting old

Today a woman saw us amble up to a stoplight. Leo sat down to wait - more out of tiredness than obedience (he's never taken to the whole "sit at the corners" thing all that well). She looked at him and looked at me and said "It's sad to watch them grow old."
I demurred and replied something about he's not doing bad, he's getting there, he's ok. But I thought about this. It's not sad.
It's been a privilege to see Leo grow old.

King of the Mountain, King of the World

The L-spar did it's magic on Leo's neck. Almost immediately it was less swollen, and he seemed to be a lot more comfortable. I was expecting a rather poor weekend - the L-spar can knock him out, and he was going to have to start the prednisone (his neck lymph nodes were still palpable, but small, by Saturday).
So, after shuttling him back and forth Thursday-Saturday, Sunday morning I picked him up for an "easy" hike. Well, ok, a "Moderate" hike, according to the trail guide.

Majestic!

Opening Day

Last weekend was a very crowded one at the house. Leo was here, as he usually is, as was my Dad, up from Florida for Yankees Opening Day. We had a good time - Leo has met my dad a few times, and we went for a little drive up to Bear Mountain and did a tiny bit of hiking before the rain hit.

The boys.

But I noticed some swelling in Leo's neck.

3 Years

3 Years ago I wrote a blog post that said Leo has cancer.  At the time, we were told that median survival of canine lymphoma was about 1 year. Leo was only 8 1/2 years old and was a happy, otherwise healthy and active dog.

The first appointment. He was ready to leave. 

Oops

Worst dog-daddy ever. Leo's tail got caught in the car door. Not slammed, but enough to put a kink in it.
Sigh. He seems fine. I'm a mess. (Sick, tired from a conference, and then worst person ever). I've splinted it and he seems happier. It's all pig ears this weekend, bud...

Steady State

Good news everyone! Or, rather than good news, the best news that can be expected. So, relatively good? Anyway, after 3 weeks, Leo's lymph nodes have not changed. His shoulder is still "plump", but not anything to really worry about, and nothing else has changed.

Last snow

Leo has been in a fantastic mood, but I think even he has had enough of this snow business. And really, it's not even snow anymore - over the past few days, since we had a bit of a thaw, it pretty much turned to ice. And then some water. And then ice, again. It's been hard on his old bones, and it really showed this weekend. But despite the snow we got in the past few days, it looks like this is it - the end of the snow. And probably his last time to go out in it.

Accident

The vincristine seems to have done it's work. Leo had an accident in the house today.

That's not good - he's not had any stomach upset of note because of it. But then again, this last treatment was different. He really didn't want to go - like, needed to be really coaxed into the back. He was shaking, tail down.

I think he doesn't want to do this anymore. It's holding his lymphoma in check, but the cost (both materially and on him) is becoming rather hight.

Rudi!

I didn't take any pictures, but I was walking my friend's dog Rudi this weekend. He broke his collarbone (my friend, not the dog) and walking a dog in ice and snow is a bad idea. It's an even worse idea when your dog is a 10-month old hyperactive border-collie mix.

The last night, Saturday, I brought Leo with me on the walk. Of course, this meant it was going to be a bit shorter - Leo's 11 years, Rudi's 10 months. Leo had to walk up the stairs first, and his old hips weren't happy. And Leo's got cancer. Rudi doesn't.

Tolerating well

Leo came in an rolled on my head this morning. So cute. Seriously, that's the best when he comes in while you're waking up, he jumps up on the bed, does the nose-in-the-face, and then he just throws himself down on your head and rolls.

Brutally effective.

Rough night

Erg.
So the ice and snow aren't making Leo happy - his old hips aren't what they used to be, and the crust on the ice can't quite hold him, so walking is tough and jarring. So, he's a bit sore.

That said, he's been in a really good mood. He's been super social - meeting a lot of dogs, being very good to all of them, and generally acting like a distinguished old man in the park.

Well, he got a bit of a rude awakening last night. He ran in to a husky that was off leash (no big deal - the park was nothing but people walking dogs at 10pm) and things went... poorly.

Maintenance

We are maintaining.

He's doing OK, but that one node just won't go away. It's "plump" - not totally huge, but not really gone, either. It's measurable, but just barely (I think it was ~~2cm x 2cm ish).

So, this is the reality now. That's the bad news - he has cancer. He always will.

The good news is that he's tolerating things well.

And miserable in the snow

And he's got it when he wants to show it. He managed to run after a young GSD in the dog run today. He's lucky the pup didn't realize Leo was on a mission, and thought he was playing. But my goodness is Leo FAST when he wants to be. And wants to be naughty!

Snowpocalypse2015!

Difficult

I wonder if it's because he's feeling better or worse, but he's been... naughty. Difficult. We've had to have some talks on our walks. Lots of grubbing, but also being rather difficult (and dragging me across ice, which is not nice)

He broke a dish over the weekend because he was counter surfing. He's not listening, and has been trying to get on the table while I'm eating. Sigh. He's gotten away with a lot, but it's time to reel him in a bit, I think.

He'll love the snowstorm coming up. Leo angels! Although he's going to have to wear his boots, which he hates.

Mr. Pig Ear

Leo's got us well trained - he takes all of us on walks and winds up with a pig ear. Sometimes it's a short walk, sometimes it's a long one, but most times he gets one.  Even the dog walker indulges him. Something about border collies bending their herd to their will...

From November. Leo with Pig Ear.

Not as bad as I thought

So he's doing ok. The energy level was low, but he's being really good and seems really happy. It's nice, because I'm at home a lot at the moment (I may not be, going forward) and we can just hang out while I'm writing/working/making graphs/doing stats/reading or whatever it is that I do all day (this).

Dazed

I am, after this weekend. (Good times, though! Upstate with my friends, which was super fun).

For our hero, this round of chemo might be a little too much.

L was walking him in her neighborhood and ran in to a friend.  The friend asked "why does Leo look so dazed?"

Next round

So after the steak incident, Leo was fine and we resumed treatment. He's been great - dragging me to the pet store for pig ears, going out for walks, generally being good at home.

Bad Daddy

This is what I get for trying to be nice.

For NYE, since boozing it up was out of the question because of 1) antibiotics and 2) being old, I decided instead for some quality food.  Of course this is going to get shared with Leo, and he thoroughly enjoyed it :

Here's the steak. Don't let the color fool you, it's almost raw

So cute! Look, he's going to grab a piece...

Or maybe the whole thing

Good thing it wasn't cut up, or else it would be gone. He gave it back to me.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?

Waiting for the cut up version.

He ate this down to nothing save for a shard of the bone that was left. Delicious!

Fast forward to the 6AM next morning and someone with black fur and big brown eyes desperately needed to go out. And then at 9. And 1. And 5. It was not good.

Poor Leo had a bit of the bad belly from his NYE celebration, and it was my fault. Of course, it didn't slow him down - he still wanted to eat and grub and do everything else, just, well, sometimes ya gotta go!