Signs

I am not a sign guy. I'm not a religious person (despite being brought up RC - or maybe because of?) and I think I'm pretty rational. I mean, I'm a scientist!
So today there were some signs - some bad, and some... well, I'll describe.

This morning's news about Leo was a bit troubling. His lymph nodes have not yet responded as much as I'd have hoped to the first dose of lomustine. That may mean prednisone. That may mean that chemo doesn't work anymore. That may be very bad, and it made me very sad. Angry, a bit. Fearful, for what's going to happen. But sad, mostly.

It's also not the easiest time at the moment. Tomorrow is the 5-year anniversary of my mother's death - she died on Mother's Day, 2010, from metastatic ovarian cancer. She was 63 years old. Unfortunately, I have no pictures of my mom with Leo, so here's a picture of my mom and me:

I love this one.

At my sister's wedding. I'll never have hair this good again. 

When I was growing up, we were active in the local church. Around the corner from us lived a kid named David, who grew up to be a big time liturgical singer and musician. He started off with a guitar, playing little shows for my parents and their friends sitting on the fireplace in our living room. His first shows were at the church. There used to be these 70's style contemporary guitar-masses at my little hometown church, and he'd be the one singing - versions of contemporary church songs and some of his own.

When my mom was dying, we sang some songs. We were never a musical family in the "sit around the piano and sing songs" sense, but my sister and I played - me, for a long time (obviously NOT liturgical music!). And my mom asked that certain songs be played at her funeral - an awful thing to hear, but necessary (for the record, "When the sun hits", "Vapour Trail", "Happy When it rains (JMC)" and "Full Tilt" for me).  Mom requested "Be Not Afraid", and David Haas' "You Are Mine" - the chorus says "Do not be afraid, I am with you". I think she picked music for us.

Now back to today. I ran to the laundry to throw some things in before going to pick up the boy and see how he's doing. In recent NYC news, a young cop in Queens was shot earlier in the week, and his funeral was today. Aside from the 30,000 police attending, the funeral was broadcast on TV. I walk in to the laundry and start doing my thing. As I stand around and wait to get change, I realize they are playing "Be Not Afraid" at the officer's funeral (I've heard the song hundreds of times). No surprise, but the timing was auspicious.

The next song was David Haas' "You are mine". What are the odds?

As I said, I don't believe in signs, nor am I religious or any of that. But thanks, Mom. I heard you.
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